15. 47 Meters Down
Most people convulse with excitement, some love the educational factors, and I just cower in terror. What am I talking about? Shark week. That’s right; I sweat and scream at the thought of these underwater creatures, and I cannot stand to watch the week of horror purely because it gives me nightmares.
So, it only makes sense that a shark movie is included in this list, and that film is; 47 Meters Down. It looks like there are a few alternative title versions of this film, however, I’m not going to list them purely because I cannot be bothered. The truth is, this is most likely going to be an awful movie, much like all recent shark, piranha and any kind of animal-based horror film, but sharks still scare the shit out of me. Purely for this reason, I’m looking forward to screaming at seeing the prehistoric creature’s mouth looming behind some poor woman’s head whilst she thrashes about, completely oblivious to her ultimate demise.
Swim with the fish on 26th July 2017.
14. The Belko Experiment
We all have days where we fantasise about killing our co-workers, but would you if you really had to? The majority of you answered this question with a no, with a few maniacs answering yes, but in short most sane people wouldn’t murder the people they work with in cold blood. The Belko Experiment however, forces this upon the employees with a comedic, grisly and painful end.
If you liked Wolf Creek, and in particular Wolf Creek 2 where we get a defined look at the hilarious yet sadistic killer Mick Taylor, then you’re going to love Belko as it’s also directed by Greg McLean. The workers are locked inside their story tower office with metal bindings, and told they need to start slaughtering a certain amount of co-workers otherwise the amount will double and result in their implanted micro-chips detonating head exploding devices. Sounds like an awesome team building exercise, right? Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, The Walking Dead) is featured alongside John C. McGinley, the janitor from Scrubs!
Learn how to kill those who don’t do their work properly on March 17th.
13. I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore
“What do you want?” “For people to not be assholes!” A statement I can completely resonate with, and do so on a daily basis, because let’s face it, London is full of assholes. Classed as a comedy crime thriller, I’ve seen a lot of people refer to this as more of a comedy horror, and from the cast and trailer, I’m personally pushing it into that category as well.
Directed by Macon Blair, known for his roles in two incredibly violent yet poignant films Blue Ruin and Green Room, it looks like I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore is a film that is going to delight many. Melanie Lynskey (who we’ll return to in my no. 4 choice in this list) and Elijah Wood star in the tale of a depressed woman who has been burgled and is quite frankly sick to death of ignorant fuckers and her obnoxious neighbour who take it upon themselves to get revenge, only to come up against some real nasty criminals.
This will be released on Netflix on February 24th, although it looks like we might have to wait a little longer in the UK.
There’s nothing I fathom in more than watching something so mentally challenging that I can’t tell whether or not I’ll ever be the same person again. When I first watched Eduardo Casanova’s short Eat My Shit, I was repulsed and saddened yet could not look away from what I was seeing. It’s quite a traumatising watch, yet in ways it is beautiful and speaks volumes, even without a mouth.
Casanova has described his directing style as “a mix of melodrama and horror/gore, Billy Wilder and early Cronenberg, pink stuffies and deformed people.” which is the perfect definition for his bizarre creations. Pieles looks at a collection of deformed people, including arse mouth from the short, who due to their different aesthetics have a difficult time fitting into society. Like a romantic acid trip into social acceptance, Pieles explores how society demeans those with a disfigurement and makes it harder to find love.
Prepare yourself for a film like you’ve never seen before coming out February 11th.
11. Alien Covenant
Combining science fiction and horror has always gone hand in hand; the world of science naturally comes with many conceptions to create monsters, aliens and weird situations which leave us feeling mentally disturbed. Alien stands to this day as one of the greatest achievements of this, and holds a dear place in my heart.
Ridley Scott disappointed me with Prometheus, it was slow, nonsensical and nothing compared to the usual Xenomorph hysteria. But now comes Alien Convenant and it has all the following components: facehuggers, Michael Fassbender, desperation, desolated planets, Danny McBride, xenomorphs and that sexy shower scene, with looks bloody delicious. Need I say more? Not really because it’s most definitely going to be incredible, and if it’s not, then I’ll personally complain to Scott for the series of dissatisfying films.
We’ll be setting ship for some mother hugging space adventure on May 19th.
10. IT Remake
Returning to an unsavoury subject, which is the realm of remakes. Detest is not usually a strong enough word for how I feel towards remakes; they’re unimaginative, tedious and a complete waste of resources which could have been used for far better projects. With this being said, there are always a few exceptions to the rule, with the undeniably needed remake of Stephen King’s classic IT.
The original 1990 blood-lined trauma at the hands of Pennywise was actually a mini-series that was then released as a film, and it was one of the most horrific experiences, until that ending. The redesigned vision comes from Andrés Muschietti, the mind behind the unsettling & melancholy Mama. Bill Skarsgård will be reprising the notable Tim Curry’s role as Pennywise, one that is seemingly impossible to follow, so we will have to wait to see his take on encapsulating evil before completely disregarding him as the nightmarish clown.
IT will be released September 8th 2017, but until then just be wary of any drains…
9. The God Particle
You might remember the films Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane, which have been confirmed as set in the same science fiction realm. The first film was directed by JJ Abrahams, and the second produced by him, and he will be returning as producer for the third instalment in this monster madness The God Particle.
Currently there isn’t an abundance about the film, which makes it even more interesting, but we do know that it was originally set to be released this February, but has been moved to October 27th, let’s just hope it isn’t like The Green Inferno release date. The film follows a crew of astronauts upon a space station that find themselves isolated when an experiment causes Earth to disappear. The crew must fight for their lives when a space shuttle arrives, and they find something far more threatening than the missing planet seems. With little detail it seems hard to really know what we’re in for, but with the success of its predecessors it looks like it’ll be one hell of a flight.
8. A Dark Song
It’s not usual that a first-time director would make it this high up on a list, but Liam Gavin’s manic induced trailer for A Dark Song has made an impression on me, and many others. The occult is often seen as a subject for horror films, but I find it’s often not done so well, but this Irish film looks like it will breath similar tones to Ben Wheatley’s Kill List.
When a grieving woman becomes desperate to contact her son, she turns to an occultist for help. Together they embark on a treacherous and soul-demanding ritual that looks like it will leave them both in a dark place. The trailer will hook you in with blood guzzling, torturous sequences, dominating relationships and awful secrets. Starring Steve Oram from Wheatley’s Sightseers, I’m sure he’ll bring his ever brooding and ominous character traits to this performance.
This film was released at London Film Festival, but is not yet available for general release (so us peasants are still waiting!)
Did you manage to watch Baskin? If that’s a no that I hear then I’m very disappointed. Admittedly, I’m a pervert for visceral drenched sodomy and mutilation, which is why the Turkish horror film was immediately on my list from the moment I heard about, but regardless, you should still watch it. Director Can Evrenol is returning to delight the Devil with his latest film Housewife.
He’s been very secretive about his latest project, however he has said it will cover the topics of “sexuality, family, social claustrophobia, and nightmares”. Evrenol has also mentioned that he was influenced by Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci, which if like me you’re a fan of the Italian masterminds, this will get the film on your radar. Housewife follows Holly whose sister and father were murdered by their mother when she was only 7. After 20 traumatic years, she is beginning to lose the line between reality and her nightmares, when she meets a celebrity psychic that claims he will help her. If it’s anything like Baskin, then this plot is seriously modest compared to the perturbing scenes that will actually be seen.
I’m not entirely sure exactly when this will be out, but it should be this year, at least I hope so!
6. It Comes At Night
Films that focus on paranoia, mistrust and a general sense of ‘something bad’ always ticks the boxes for me; they create this real feeling of human dread and that gut feeling, which sometimes is absolutely right. The Invitation was a film that precisely captured this emotion, and executed it perfectly. Another film that managed this was The Witch, which brings me to It Comes At Night as it’s brought to us by the same studio, and looks like it will evoke even more terror.
As an unnatural threat dominates the world outside, a father, wife and son, who are living in regimented order, become host to something else when a family seeking refuge arrive at their home. Directed by Trey Edward Shults, and starring Joel Edgerton, It Comes At Night looks as if it’s going to be incredibly disconcerting. The trailer gives little away (which is always a good sign) but rather focuses on building a sickening tension through music and creepily repeated dialogue “It’s okay”, meaning that something is most definitely not okay.
When a trailer is this good, the wait is worthwhile, even if it’s a long one until August 25th.
5. Get Out
Every single time I watch the trailer, that first violin shriek gets goosebumps partying all over my skin. So far, I’ve not heard anything but praise for Get Out by those who have been lucky enough to already see it, and I am seriously stoked. Broaching the issues of racism, socialism and political correctness, it seems the film will unravel the very real horror that faces these subjects.
Daniel Kaluuya (best known for Skins and Black Mirror) stars as Chris, alongside Allison Williams who plays Rose. They take a trip to meet Rose’s parents, however, Chris is apprehensive as she hasn’t informed them that he’s black. Once secluded in middle class suburbia, it soon becomes clear that these white folk seem a little more backwards that they originally appeared, with sinister motives seeping at every crevice. Get Out looks unnerving, degrading and damn right terrifying as Chris is forced to succumb to hypnotisation, and what looks like a possible lobotomy or worse. Caleb Landry Jones from the intense body horror Antiviral also stars in the film.
Not long to go until we can sink into the cinema floor on March 17th.
What better choice to have at number four, than the film comprising of four films by four female directors? And yes, that’s a lots of f’s. As a female myself it’s always pleasing to see female horror directors getting the attention they should, especially as there’s a lot of stigma around how women can actually enjoy horror films when there’s so much sexism and depravity against them. Agreed, there can be a lot of that, but there’s also films like XX, which show this isn’t completely true.
From directors Jovanka Vuckovic, Annie Clark, Roxanne Benjamin (Soutbound), and an already well-respected lady in my eyes Karyn Kusama, who was behind the aforementioned amazing The Invitation, and Jennifers Body. The anthology horror will comprise of four segments The Box, Birthday Party, Don’t Fall and Her Only Living Son. The trailer doesn’t give us much information about Birthday Party (although it has Melanie Lynskey in), but hosts to an overly unsettling scene from The Box, in which a young boy sees something inside an old man’s box and then refuses to eat, or care about death. Don’t Fall shows a couple terrorised by a hybrid woman-werewolf type creature, who doesn’t look too friendly. Finally, Her Only Living Son gives us a little taste at the boy who grows hungry for his classmates finger nails.
XX will be available on VOD from February 17th.
3. A Cure For Wellness
Gore Verbinski has never really been a director that ever made anything that pleased me; Pirates of the Caribbean is fairly decent and The Ring remake was downright pointless. Therefore he’s not on my list of people to watch out for in terms of upcoming features. This all changed when I saw the first trailer for A Cure For Wellness, which looks like a psychotic injection of insanity and hysteria.
Junior executive, Dane DeHann has to travel to a remote and secluded wellness centre in the Swiss alps when the CEO of the company he works for sends a letter detailing his rehabilitation process, in which he writes as if he’s lost his mind. Once there, he soon finds himself discovering that treatments are far from ‘curing’, and instead seem to persuade guests into staying there forever. Jason Isaacs will star as the creepy doctor, and if you managed to catch him in Netflix’s series The OA, then you’ll know he’ll be the most haunting medical professional there is.
You’ll be able take a few doses of the cure on February 24th.
Pure unadulterated nasty, gruesome, erotic, gory and filthy scenes await in Raw, and I’ve not been this excited for a film in a very long time. You will have most likely already heard about this film from circulating articles regarding trailers making people vomit, and the film itself causing viewers to pass out or leave the screening, both good press if you love anything considered fucked up.
From French filmmaker Julia Durcournau comes a vile yet delectable look at adulthood, sex and integrity as strict vegetarian Justine, falls into a vivacious and shocking lifestyle after partaking in a extreme induction on her veterinary course. After tasting the flesh of raw meat, she begins to find herself succumbing to some truly disturbing and animalistic urges. Everything about Raw looks absolutely stunning, from the visuals to the special effects, to the underlying metaphors, which is why it’s number two.
I only have to wait 25 days to see what I think will go into my top five horror films of all time… Out on March 10th.
1. Deathgasm: Goremageddon
As the most anticipated horror film of this year, there could only ever be one contender for this place and it’s… DEATHGASM 2: GOREMAGEDDON FUCK YEAHHHHH *insert devil horns emoji* When you have the most epic film title in the history of cinema, it’s impossible not to have any horror hound screaming with sheer orgasmic joy with the return of such an over the top, gore splattered, heavy metal clad, hilarity filled film.
Jason Lei Howard kindly brought us Deathgasm, which is by far one of the most intense and metal splatter films that you will ever witness. With similar likes to early Peter Jackson movies, yes we’re talking Braindead and Bad Taste, there is no way in Hell that you couldn’t love this movie if you’re a horror fan. From the opening to the very closing there’s a plethora of bodily fluids, demons, gags, giant dildos and did I mention enough blood and guts to occupy the ocean. Howden wrote on Instagram “There is literally more gore in the first 10 minutes than the entire first Deathgasm. If you kinda liked the first, this will make your head implode. If you thought the first Deathgasm was puerile, juvenile and dumb, then Goremageddon will melt your face off and force you to barricade yourself inside, safe with some Terrence Malick and Coldplay.”
I don’t even know exactly when this is coming out this year, but who fucking cares? Prepare yourself for GOREMAGEDDON!